With a storm on the horizon Herold loaded his wagon and hitched his horse. Large drops began to fall as he cinched up tarp. It’s going to be a long ride. He thought as the rhythm of the rain increased. Despite his large brim hat the rain peppered his face. Wave upon wave of rain began to fall making is almost impossible to see the road.
“Lord change this rain and make it blow the opposite way.” Herold prayed.
The rain stayed steady and refused to change its course. “Lord please send some relief and make this rain blow the opposite way.”
Over and over Herold prayed this simple prayer all the way into town. To his dismay, the rain stayed steady. Finally reaching his destination he unloaded the wagon and began to head back while the storm continued. At least the rain will finally be to my back. He jested to himself. Herold watched in disbelief as the rain slowly shifted directions and started “blowing the opposite way”, just as Herold had asked.
Unpleased with the weather, Herold prayed once more. “Well Lord, you sure picked a fine time to answer my prayer.” And with that, our wet wagoneer traveled home, regretting his initial request.
Lightening illuminated the room as Kevin began to count,
“One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand…”
A roll of thunder signaled the approaching storm. The ten-year old boy wasn’t as afraid of storms as he use to be. However, lightning always brought an eery view to his room. Perhaps it was the split second revelation followed by the sudden darkness that led to his overactive imagination. Was that shadow my coat or a dark creature? He was certain that it was his jacket hanging in the closet. He clearly remembered hanging it there.
Another flash of lightning revealed his jacket was indeed hanging there next to an unknown shadow that seemed to be staring at him. All features were hidden, but he was certain something was standing in his closet. The thunder crackled as the creature moved, ever so slightly. It moved! I saw it move. There is something in my closet and it just moved. Focusing his attention to the closet he could hear the creature breathing. But, what is it? Kevin slowly slid out of his bed and slipped across the carpet; taking care not to make a sound.
The creature appeared to be short like a goblin. No identifying features were revealed as Kevin got close. Holding his breath he got within inches of it. He could still hear it’s rapid shallow breathing. There’s no such thing as monsters. If there are, I’m about to catch my first one. Raising his hand towards its head he slowly began to exhale.
“Kevin.” a small voice called out.
A fear struck him as the creature seized his hand with its cold pale fingers. Lightening struck illuminating its screaming face. Kevin’s scream was eclipsed by the explosion of thunder. His backwards leap pulled the creature from the closet. The two fell to the floor as fear gripped them both. Before Kevin could move his unknown fiend wrapped it thin arms around him.
“I’m scared.” his sister whispered.
A flood of revelation brought an onslaught of relief to Kevin. Realizing it was his little sister the whole time, he hugged her back.
“It’s OK. That lightening was scary.”
Reaching up, he pulled his pillow from his bed for them to share and covered up with the blanket she brought from her room. The two slept on the floor as the storm passed over. Every now and then his sister would jerk from the thunder, and he would comfort her. He knew this was all part of being a big brother, even if she did scare the living daylight out of him.
Five a.m. came quick for Chris. It wasn’t a late night with the boys, or an argument with his wife that brought the morning on so quick. No, he was just worn out from his new carpentry job. Setting in his favorite chair, he realized he had fallen asleep with his work boots on. A small quilt covered him; a sure sign his wife took care of him.
Slowly making his way to the kitchen his body ached. Every joint popped like a bowl of milk and rice-crispies. Setting at the kitchen table, he untied his boots and kicked them off. Pulling his socks off too, he placed his feet on the cold hardwood floor. The cool flat surface brought relief as he made his way to the coffeepot. First the a precise measurement of grounds, then a pot full of water was added. As the first drip of coffee fell, Chris began to stretch. How could he be this young and feel this old? His hands still felt tight from gripping a hammer all day. Hand cramps were a sign of learning. Gotta let the hammer do the work. He told himself as he stretched his fingers out. The morning fog cleared from his thoughts as he stood there watching the pot fill. I could be getting ready for the day.
A quick shower and fresh clothes helped him face the morning. Moving with more ease, he poured his first cup. Not sure if it was his youth, inexperience or the excitement of learning a new trade, but he was actually excited to go to work. His career choice was the foundation he was building his life on.
Life didn’t come with instructions. It came with those before us showing what works and what doesn’t. Like Chris, we have all stepped out with uncertainty. But our youthful vigor perpetuated us all to achieve our greatness. As our work kicks back with pain, we are reminded five a.m. comes quick for us all.
The engine raced as adrenaline rushed through Levi’s veins. Tires screamed in horror, fighting to hang onto the morning asphalt of each corner. Machine and man danced around each chicane resembling two familiar lovers, knowing each other’s moves. This was not loved; this was passion. Cresting at the last hill, three miles of straight road filled his eyes. With ears tuned to each signature shift point, Levi was pulled deeper into his seat. The speedometer’s needle slowly made it’s way past 150mph. At the end of the straightaway, a hairpin corner waited patiently. Nerves tingles as a 20mph sign flew by in a blur beckoning him to slow down. Was this stupidity or just craziness? Whichever, he knew he was coming in too hot. This is where experience and reflexes demanded perfection. One hesitation, or one miscalculation could send car and driver to an early grave. Like four permanent markers, the wide tires marked the pavement in a howling pain. Levi’s body was pushed to the side making it difficult to move. Knuckles turned white, fighting to stay in control. The car careened sideways around the corner. A downward shift and the sound of an accelerating engine shot Levi out of the hairpin. A quick glimpse at the side mirror revealed no space between the tire marks and the unforgiving grass-line. Once again he escaped death’s clutches. However, an old oak stood six feet from the line, baring scars from the many drivers it had caught; a sacred reminder of past mistakes made with confidence. Such is life through the eyes of Levi and why he loved to dance around the corners.
When the consolidating cool air is upon me. I will ban with others, and bring the storm. Winds, thunder, and lightening will join in our crusade. Within this war we wage, I will fall. Plummeting at a chaotic rate, the winds of change will rip at the fabric of my soul. Though I’ll fight to stay together, fragments will be lost. Others around me will fall with me with no Calvary in sight. We are all fighting the same fight, but we are so individual.
A catastrophic amount of myself will be lost within the realm of my descending impact. I will only be a fraction of what I was. Yet, my days of demise are not upon me. For as the sun rises and brings the heat of the day, I too shall rise far above this earth, only to wage another storm.
Same day continued.
How many times can one hit a dog before it bites? Once too many is the answer. Although Christian had never struck is mother verbally or physically, he understood this saying very well. She was a constant stumbling block for him. Always carrying a negative air, she rarely shown appreciation. It was as though she hated the fact he was born and made it a point to show that hate everyday. Some days it was a storm of ridicule, breaking his soul until there was no will to live. Other days he was nothing more than a punching bag catching her closed fists. One would think after all of this abuse he would hate his mother. No, for Christian it was apathy. He had no hate nor did he have any love. In the end she was his mother and there was no changing that.
Tracy, the thin built, blonde wiry haired woman slowly rose and followed Christian into his apartment. Her eyes shifted around the room as to take note of its inventory.
A smirk gleamed across her face, “I see Luke came for a visit.” She pause to see his reaction. “That restraining order you put on him was a little uncalled for.” She watched as Christian filled a cup with water. His silence was unnerving. “It’s not like he waltzed in here and tried to take YOUR son away from YOU.” She prodded.
“How have you been?” Christian asked as he handed her the cup of water.
Grabbing the cup, her postured changed. “I’ve been doing. I got fired from the store and I’m waiting to hear back from my last interview. Hey, that reminds me, you wouldn’t happen to have $50 I can borrow, would you?”
“No.” he calmly answered, knowing that even if he did have it, he would never see it again.
Returning to her former posture she belted, “See that’s what’s wrong with you. You think you can raise your brother better than I can, but your don’t even have fifty dollars to your name. You couldn’t possibly begin to afford to raise your brother. Do you realize how rich I’d be if I didn’t have to raise you two? I have labored and toiled and broke my back bending over taking on every job that I could to raise you two. And what thanks do I get? NONE. I get a son who wants to divide this family.” Pausing she gazed at Christian with disgust. “I should have killed you as an infant.”
Christian kept his voice calm. “You’re a junky mother. You’re an abusive, drug using, mother. You have resented me from the day you pushed my out of the womb. I have been that unpickable splinter, constantly digging at you. Now you have went and involved Luke. When things get too tough you throw others in the middle of it. You don’t deserve to be Benjamin’s mother.”
Popping up as though a reminder dinged in her head, Tracy retorted. “Oh that reminds me. The service is on Saturday. That’s the whole reason I came over.” Laughing at her simple mind she continued. “You’re brother got in a car wreck. Paramedics said that he died at the scene. Sad, he had such a bright future ahead of him. Well, I’m off. I have to get everything in order before Saturday.” She left as though her job was finished as she was off to her next agenda.
The room began to spin as Christian sat at his kitchen table. All of his efforts to save his brother was thrown to the wind. Words were lost as a wave of emotions crushed his soul. Tears began to fall as he fought to repress his hatred. She doesn’t deserve your emotion. Benjamin is in a better place far from her abuse.
Twenty years later.
Looking back I see clearly what was meant to be. I would have never went to college, landed the job of my dreams. married the love of my life, nor had two sons of my own. No, life has a way of saying ‘You’re about to make the wrong choice for the right reason.’ Soon after my brother’s death I moved to the west coast. It’s funny how, with all the miles in between us, I can still hear my mother’s hatred filled voice. My psychology professor once said the voice of encouragement that lies within us is the voice of our parents. How true this is.
I don’t regret trying to adopt my brother. In fact, had I not done anything, my pain would have been deeper.
“After going over your finances, there are some areas I would like to cover with you.” The caseworker’s rehearsed tone predicted a forecast of brick walls, not speed bumps.
Christian sat silent as he listened. With each visit he risked the chance of being fired, This was the second time he had to request time off from work. Warnings from his foreman added to the tension. He was still in the 90 day probation. Any excuse to get fired was one excuse too many. Family first. He reminded himself … at the end of the day we all stop working, we do not stop being family. However, I need this job to show I can support my brother.
“I understand that you make minimum wage.” The caseworker’s dark smooth skin deeply contrasting with her eye’s sclera, accented her concerned look.
A bit of embarrassment came over Christian. He knew he made minimum wage, but to hear someone say it out loud actually brought a sense of lowliness to it. “Yes, and because of such, I will qualify for government assistance.”
“Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.” she paused, “We are in the process of reducing people needing government aid. Your brother would be better off where he is, or in a more financially stable home.”
Without raising his voice Christian made his rebuttal “That’s absurd. A single woman, making minimum wage can give birth to a child, but I cannot adopt my own brother. Child services has been called to her house on serval occasions.”
“…And the police has recently been called to your house.” the caseworker added as she glanced at his swollen nose. “If I bring this to my superior right now, she would laugh at it. There is no way that I can allow you to adopt your brother. Trust me when I say I understand what you are doing. I was that single mother you mentioned, and yes, I was on government support. Is it fair? No. But that’s how the system works. I am fighting for you. I need you to show me that you have a stable income and a safe home.”
The words sank deep with Christian. She was right. “So, what type of budget are we talking about?”
“It’s tight but it’s what I used when raising my little girl.” The caseworker pulled out a slip of paper. “Just fill this out and you’ll see where you stand.”
His heart sank. There was no way he could make these numbers work. Sacrifices had to be made. That was the simple truth. Taking a deep breath, Christian thanked Ashley for her time, then headed home.
On the ride home, Christian swarmed around how he could make the budget work. He wasn’t that far off, he just needed to take sack lunches in, sell his car, walk to work, never use the a/c or lights and bath only at work. Yea, he could make this work. I can do this. Just need to plan it out and stay the course. Pulling into the driveway, he looked at his apartment unit on the second floor. Good news is, I don’t need to look for a cheaper apartment. I already have it.
A buzz from his phone signaled a missed call and a voice mail.
“Hey Christian, this is George. Don’t worry about coming into work this week. Management has decided to give you the rest of the week off without pay. Hope you get everything worked out, and we’ll see you next Monday.”
How could he sound to nonchalant about that? Hey, we’re gonna take a quarter of your paycheck. Hope you don’t mind.
Walking up to his apartment, he found his mother setting by his door.
“When it rains, it pours.” Christian exhaled.